Open letter

Dear Mr. Basu

Thank you for following me on Twitter. I show your updates on my page to all my friends. My geek credit has never been higher, and thanks to two personal replies from you I've convinced this one guy to let me read his vintage first-edition Asterix and Obelix collection for the very first time. You've changed my life around. My mother now tells people I'm in contact with a real author, no, not the layabout kind, a published writer. The whole family knows you now because my grandmother once read your name in the paper and remembered about it. She thinks you're a famous journalist - no-one knows why, but she's pushing seventy so what the hell, you know? My father is going to try and read your first book, and my cousin would like to be just like you one day, and maybe own a Corvette too.

Sincerely yours,

Trisha

from Kolkata

P.S - my cousin would like to know what brand of car you own (if at all). this postscript was not my idea.

Happy Morning

Hey there, beautiful guy with a cool scarf around with your neck,
its summer, will you grow the hell up already?
Hey there, man in a rush with a briefcase,
I think maybe your train's left already.
Looking good, taxi man, with the brand-new fender,
maybe the traffic policeman will be nice to you today.
Stop crying, little kid at the school bus-stop,
life will only get better for you today.
It's alright, man at the candy store on the corner,
an accident could kill you before smoking does.
Don't worry, mister stockbroker at the traffic-light,
you know money is always as economy does.
Don't sweat, pretty girl in the front of the bus,
you don't want your make-up to melt itself off.
Don't rush, old man, there's time left to spare,
don't kill yourself as you trip on the steps getting off.
Run, rush, hurry, speed, man on the bike,
your son has that crucial exam this morning.
Slow, smooth, nice, easy, girl with the radio,
I wonder why I'm so happy this morning.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Five Things, Post-Exams

Five things I've finally been able to do now that my exams are over:-

1. return to blogging
2. return to karate
3. return to library
4. go see the abode of the Bard
5. sleep all day and play all night

Five perfectly reasonable things I would like to do now that my exams are over but can't because the above things don't leave me enough time:

1. Learn French. All I know at present are yes, no, is it not, and some obscenities.
2. go see all the oscar winning movies out now, in a twenty hour marathon, with or without potato chips.
3. clean out eighteen years of junk from my room and donate the intact things to a charity.
4. finally do the long-distance adoption thing, now that I'm about to turn eighteen. Have kind of started this already though.
5. clear up my hard drives, ASAP.

Five completely unreasonable things I would like to do now that my exams are over but I don't have the money or the willpower:-

1. go to the UK to meet Susan Boyle (and Simon Whatsisname)
2. finish writing that stupid story!
3. register for real on the Simpsons website and play in the virtual Springfield.
4. fly to Delhi to personally thank the creator of Aishwarya, the Duck of Destiny, the great Samit Basu himself, for doing me the (reciprocal) courtesy of following me on twitter. squrrawwwk!!
5. start that horrible fluids-only diet that shrinks you then kills your stomach in ten months. ack!

Do you like my socks?

random things to say at specific times -

walking along the street with a friend(s)

1. what colour is your underwear today?
2. will you come with me if i move to germany?
3. i've always loved the shape of your ears.
4. your feet smell nice from here.
5. i want to stop and buy a lollipop.
6. here, hold my earrings while i go beat up that mcdonald's clown.

in the middle of a room at a party

1. i've heard that ingesting sugar and salt TOGETHER cancels out both tastes. here, try it!
2. i love my top! why are you wearing it?
3. oh look, there's a man on the ceiling.
4. will you dance the chicken-dance with me?
5. marry me, bugs bunny!
6. your socks are sexy *flutter eyelashes*

in a clothing store

1. i wanna try on the mannequin in the window, please
2. does this come in very large and orange?
3. this floor is very slippery! *skate around here*
4. so, where do you guys keep the day's money?
5. hey, there's a dead rat in your trial room!
6. your socks are sexy *flutter eyelashes*

to your neighbour

1. i love lemon pickles.
2. most people hate house-lizards. you must be so brave.
3. do i smell blood?
4. there's a mad dog in the street! close your windows and turn on animal planet!!
5. why don't you love my dog?
6. i want your socks, please.

to a taxicab-driver

1. don't worry, i've made myself a rate-conversion chart.
2. you look very familiar. have you met my grandma?
3. follow that tortoise!
4. stop the cab! i want to throw my socks into the river.
5. alright, where do YOU want to go?
6. do you take mastercard?

to any complete stranger

1. behind you!! no, it was just a mosquito.
2. what do you mean, you don't remember meeting me??? but, darling -
3. your socks are sexy *flutter eyelashes*
4. hire me! i work for chocolate cookies and discount coupons.
5. do you like my socks?
6. your eyebrows are the most beautiful things i've ever seen.